so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
