ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
