Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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