well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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