Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
