Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
