Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
