Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
