I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
