I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
