I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
