I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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