Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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