Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
