Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
