New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
