I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
