Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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