He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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