I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
