im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
