he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
