she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
