Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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