I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your dick twin last night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize