Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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