I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
