Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
