It's like God shit irony all over that family
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
