burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
