I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
