Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
