It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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