so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
