i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
