I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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