he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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