Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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