You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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