Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
