What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
