Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
