At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
