How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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