my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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