So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
