everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
