Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Couch. On fire.
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