maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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