Umm I'm too high to move.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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