She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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