We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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