So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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