Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
