when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
