I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
