I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
