it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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