i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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