Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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