I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
