I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
