Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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