Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
