I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You made out with two different species that night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize