I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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