Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
