I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize