I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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