Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
