apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
