apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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