I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
